Cages

We believe we live in freedom. We believe that we can make decisions about our lives. We believe that we are in control of ourselves and, even more so, we believe that we can decide for others. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are our jailers. We choose the cages we are going to inhabit and we move from one to one, thinking that we are improving our lives.

We don't control anything. Nothing. Since dawn, time controls us, a clock, an alarm. Then our judgments about ourselves control us again when deciding what clothes to wear. If we hear a cell phone message ring, we jump to look and don't even think about forgetting about our cell phone to be with our loved ones. Even when we go to sleep we don't stop looking at screens. We are not in control of what we eat, although we could make the decision to eat healthier... we still prefer what will make us sick over time.

We are prisoners of our emotions. Who doesn't get angry when attacked? Whether real or not. Who doesn't feel a rush of happiness when compliments arrive? Emotions are perhaps the fiercest jailer we have. We are at your mercy. Sometimes up and sometimes down, depending on what is happening outside us. No one ever told us that we could be the ones to decide how we wanted to feel.

What is an EMOTION?

Blessed little word is this.

A not very elaborate definition could be an affective response that is experienced (on a physical and psychological level) in the face of a situation, event or thought. It's clear, right?

But it's not that simple. Emotions are crucial when making a decision and, if we are not in a correct mental state, we will most likely make mistakes. Do any of you remember receiving the information that emotions only last in our psyche for 30 seconds or 2 minutes if the emotion is more complex? Do any of you remember receiving the information that we can decide after those 2 minutes how we want to feel?

Isn't it true?

That is something new, only we can give that information to our children if we know it.

Talking to my psychiatrist and psychologist friends, I realized that all that time we spend caged in an emotion is by our own decision. And before any reader jumps in and calls me insensitive or ignorant, let me explain. It's not me who says this, (don't kill the messenger) it's science. We can have control of our mind if only we train ourselves in it.

It is true that our human condition involves many difficulties.

Attachment, for example, we do not choose to feel attached but we do choose to stay in it and suffer as a result. No one, NO ONE, knows how to love unconditionally, without expecting something in return. Even the best mother in the world with everything and her “unconditional” love suffers with the contempt of a child, she suffers with her sufferings. It is not necessary to suffer. I have two children and believe me, it is not easy to understand this. But I am understanding that my well-being and my happiness DO NOT depend on anyone. I cannot hand over remote control of my emotional states to another, even a child. We should all be able to decide what makes us happy and for how long. But BE CAREFUL, the “what makes us happy” cannot, under any circumstances, depend entirely on what is part of our life.

For example:

• My beautiful house makes me very happy.

  _ And when something happens to your house.... do you lose your happiness?

• My relationship makes me very happy.

_And when your partner is no longer there (leaves or dies) do you lose your happiness?

• My daughter (or son) makes me very happy.

  _And when your daughter (or son) leaves (or dies, it can happen) do you lose your happiness?

• My job makes me very happy

_And when you get fired due to a staff cut or the company closes or you can't work anymore due to health reasons, do you lose your happiness?

Be careful with the cages we choose to have.